Wednesday, 27 April 2016

What do I think of her? I don't think of her - The Reason Why I No Longer Care About What Other People’s Opinions of Me Are.

What do I think of her? I don't think of her - The Reason Why I No Longer Care About What Other People’s Opinions of Me Are.  

In recent years I have become depressed and anxious due to worrying about other people’s opinions on me. I have felt that no matter how nice I am or how much I achieve people will always think negatively about myself . I have started to realize there is little or no point in harbouring other people's negative opinions. I don’t want to be a depressed, anxious mess; I want to be a luminary with great panache: I want to be like Whitney Houston when asked about what she thought about Mariah Carey in 1990.

Recently I have attempted to analyse why people seem to constantly obloquy myself and have tried to defend several of my criticisms through explaining that I am on the autistic spectrum - mildly Asperger's. This didn’t work at all because people who are ignorant of Asperger's (which is most people) either started to believe I  was either a)crazy, b)stupid or c)attention seeking and as a result the more anxious and depressed I became.

Further I started to worry that some people thought I had a drinking problem, as a result ironically I started to drink more.  The more I started to worry about what other people thought about my drinking, the more I was drinking to escape people’s opinions and the more crazy I was acting whilst drunk.

It really aggravated me that some of the people criticizing my alcohol consumption were a lot older than me, yet did not drink less than me.  They may of spread their drinking out more, whilst I would binge drink weekly in a club or party. Although binge drinking isn’t commendable it is very common amongst young people and hardly deplorable.

Some of the people also criticizing my alcohol consumption were also regular marijuana smokers - I have tried weed a few times but did not enjoy it as I found it boring and also as a result of my raison d’etre (Irish Dancing) and the fact I don’t intend on getting lung cancer I rarely even smoke a cigarette.

How can someone sagaciously judge what someone acts like when they are drinking, when they are both intoxicated and stoned? On top of this alcohol affects people in different ways, when I am drunk I am quite hyper and want to dance loads - I  don’t really engage in much conversation when I am drunk. Some people when they drink feel relaxed and  obviously if you are drunk and stoned at the same time, you are not going to be as energetic.

It makes me question whether their criticism is judicious and out of a place of concern or is it just because they want me to be like them. Humans have a tendency to criticize others who are different to them and this is how prejudice and discrimination is formed - I don’t judge people on smoking marijuana however the majority of the population would. The biblical quote “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” is my thoughts on this. Although people may be criticizing me out of concern I feel it is making me more anxious and depressed than the binge drinking itself, which results in me drinking more and it ends up being a vicious cycle.

Sometimes people's opinions on you are beyond a joke. Recently my Granny said to me “you weren't that clever in school.” This statement was beyond ridiculous, I started to wonder what on earth the people around me were saying about me, whether it be from someone in my family, extended family, Irish Dancing or from people in East Belfast and Holywood. Why would someone state that?

I got an A in my 11 plus, without a tutor allowing me to go to a top Grammar School. People who attended that grammar school with me would've known how lazy and disorganized I was, I hardly ever did my homework and rarely knew I had a test never mind studying for it. Yet I didn’t fail an exam and as a result of pulling my socks up in upper 6th I still managed to come out with AAC in my A-levels.

As a result of my A-Level grades and my personal statement I received an offer from University of Warwick (which my mum advised me to reject!) and then attended UCD followed by University of Kent which are far higher ranked than any other university any of my other cousins on that side of the family have yet to attend. At university people pondered how I managed to commute back on forth from Canterbury to London two and sometimes three times a week, go to the gym, club and party, play poker and work part time and still achieve a 2:1.

Yet here was my granny stating that I wasn’t that clever in school! I sure you are as confused as I was and I am sure you can imagine how aggravated I was that someone(s) had stated this about me. This  really exemplifies why getting annoyed over what people think of you is a waste of time.  

Trying to control people's opinions on you is  rambunctious and pointless. If people have opinions on you it means they have given time to think and talk about you. This implies that to those people you mean something to them - it means they more than likely are envious of you in someway. As the saying goes “Those who try to bring you down, are already beneath you.”

I have opinions on the Kardashians, yes I think they are annoying as hell, talentless and only famous because of a sex tape, however am I jealous of them in some way? Hell Yes - I am jealous of how much money they have, their fame and the events they get invited to.

Thus if people constantly are bad mouthing you it is probably because they are jealous of you in some way.  In some circumstances criticism and negative opinions are from a position of care, however in most circumstances they aren't. Some people will never be satisfied with you no matter what you do or achieve and will even lie or twist the truth in order to bring you down. The more people envy you, the more people talk badly about you in an attempt to destroy you and it is something you can’t control. This is why famous people constantly have their lives scrutinized because people want to make themselves feel better by hearing something negative of someone they envy.

There is good and bad to everyone, however if you become angry at others opinions of you will end up showing your bad qualities and that is exactly what people who are envious of you want. They want you to become anxious, depressed and paranoid - they want to see you self-destruct.

That is what I have done; I have self-destructed, I have let other people's opinions “get to me”  and that has stopped me achieving my what appears to others as my stratospheric goals. I have wasted time feeling physically and mentally languid due to being depressed and anxious. So for now on I vow to myself not to worry about  other people’s opinions on me as most of the people who are bad-mouthing me are people who I don’t judge, care about greatly or talk negatively; it’s not worth my while getting annoyed or upset. I don’t care what you think of me, because I don’t think about you at all.  What do I think of other people, I don’t think about other people, I think about what I think of myself and that at the end of the day is what really matters.

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